I can change. If I have to. I guess

It's been a month since Mike was diagnosed with rectal cancer. As my sister so aptly put it, "Your journey with cancer was thrust upon you without your permission and is a journey you never ever wanted to take. There is no doubt that this journey will forever change you and Mike...but is also changing the lives of all those who love you in ways you may never know."

For weeks now I've been whining about how I want my "real" life back; the life before cancer changed everything. I've been digging my heels in, clawing for some crack or crevasse where I could wedge a finger and stop the free fall. I've been swimming for dear life not realizing that all I had to do was stand up.

It's true, some things in our lives have changed and still there is more change to come. Some change is planned and some isn't. Some change we want, some, well not so much. Change is inevitable. Everything changes all the time (how's that for dealing absolutes!) the only real variable is the speed at which things change. It's like....hmmmm...what? It's like driving in snow at night. If you have your brights on it looks like it's a blizzard, dim the lights and it's not so bad, look out the side window and well...it's just flurries. It's perception. It all depends on how you look at it.

Oh holy rambling metaphor!

Ok, so what I'm saying here is this: Not everything has changed for us, for me, there is still a great deal of sameness. And while I've been focusing on what has changed I've failed to notice how much still remains the same. There's grass to mow, gardens to tend, meals to fix, a house to clean, laundry to fold and jobs to work. There are quilts to be sewn, knitting to knit, birds to watch and fish to catch, or as the case was the other night, NOT. There are still rivers to paddle, dogs to throw balls for, sunsets to watch, coffee to drink, chocolates to eat and mornings in bed.

There's all this normal stuff I've lost focus of! (ohhh...she ends in a preposition!) A bunch of my "real life" has been sitting here all along and I've been looking so hard at change I've completely overlooked it. I'm an idiot!

So, tomorrow we head to the Cities (for those of you who are not familiar with this term, this is what we call Minneapolis/St Paul here in Minnesota) for an appointment with Dr Madoff and then an appointment with a radiation oncologist and MORE change. Some forward movement. Change we've been waiting for. We've had a month now to live with cancer and I'm beginning to accept this change or at least I think I'm getting there. Well at least today I say this, tomorrow that might change...

I know there are a lot of you out there (I don't really know how many) who are reading along; who are brave enough to follow us on this journey. Some of you are changing as a result of what you read here. Some of you are reassessing your lives and making positive changes because of what you read here, because of what we write here, and this just blows my mind. We just wanted a place to keep everyone up to date on what is going on it never occurred to me that we might change anything or anybody. Holy crap!


So, I've got some attitude that needs adjusting, because after all, accepting change is about changing attitude. I'm hoping to get better at giving into change that is out of my control. I know there are many of you who'll help me out. Many of you already have and may not know it and I thank you.

So I'll leave you with the words of a few famous people who said this about change:

"Things do not change, we change." Henry David Thoreau

"It's a good thing." Martha Stewart

"I'm a guy. I can change. If I have to. I guess" Red Green



Peace everyone!
Karen