The Sex Talk

Let's have the talk. By the talk I mean, you know, THE TALK. Sex. The sex talk. Or in this case the non-sex talk.

I have this weird sense of humor and as most of us do from time to time I use that humor to cover up or gloss over painful subjects or situations in my life. I did that just the other night. I flippantly said in response to a "what have you been doing lately?" question, "Oh we've been busy having old people sex." And we all laughed. A good thing too because the reality of it is; it's no laughing matter. Not here at Whiskey Jack Flats.  We aren't laughing. It's the 1000 lb gorilla in the room.

With chemo/radiation, surgery, healing, more chemo plus steroids and new body image for Mike, sex is not something that happens very often here. Mike's desire has diminished to the point of nil. When we do make love ( I think something like 4 times since surgery) it's a wonder we can get it done in between managing his bag, my sore back and fibromyalgia, both of us with leg cramps and ways we don't bend anymore.  It's like we are old people. A couple of 75 yr old people.

Personally, I have no problem with how Mike looks with his ostomy. I like the days I can be around him when he's changing the bag so I can see his stoma. I like to help him and feel part of the process. I like when we can take a shower together and I can press my belly up against his belly for a few moments without the bag. I miss that. I miss having nothing between us but skin and it's these moments I relish and hold on to. We'll never be able to make love without the bag and I have given up on that. It's just something else we have to work around, like leg cramps and back pain and coughing fits and sore wrists and all the other things the aging process brings to us.

We saw Dr Madoff the other day. Mike talked about his sexual concerns. Time...that's what he said. That's what Dr Mangiamele said and that's what Dr Harmon said.Time.Well time is something we have. I have Mike and it's looking like we have time. I'm thankful he is here. Thankful everyday. We are both tiring from this fighting cancer though and will be glad when it's over. Mike has been a trouper but this sexual function thing bothers us both. Maybe him more. It's like one more thing we've been robbed of and it's a reminder that we are not back to normal and may never be. It's one more thing to figure out how to live with.

We understand it's a  healing process both physically and mentally. And yes it takes time. I get that. I also get that some days we have unlimited patience with it; other days all we got is ....sick and twisted humor.

Peace,

Karen