DIY Remodel

Today we begin the rebuilding process. We begin to rebuild, or maybe remodel is the better word, our life. Like any big project there is the point where you just wander around and look at the site. A feeling of overwhelming work washes over and you just can't visualize what it will all look like when it's done. I feel a little like that today. I feel a little lost in my own home as we begin this project.

I don't quite know what to do or where to start today. For the past months we have been planning and working toward this surgery. Emotions have been high and overwhelming. I've been walking around with fear in my belly, stress hanging on my shoulders and worry on my face. Now that the worst seems to be over I feel a little lost. The past few days I've thought I was really tired but now I have come to realize that what I am feeling is a lack of that fear, stress and worry. Oh don't get me wrong, I still am worried about Mike, it's just not that desperate worry I had even a few days ago. I am more relaxed and it seems unfamiliar after such a long absence.

Finding my way back into our regular life will come, this I know. Soon we will be back at work. We'll pick up a new routine and our life will be ours again. All of this will still take months because it isn't over yet. Mike still has chemo coming up. There is an appointment in Fargo on the 6th of November with Dr Shahidi and we will get a start date for his chemo. He tolerated his last round and hopefully will do well with this upcoming round. It's a different compound than his last chemo so we really won't know how it will affect him until he is knee deep in treatment. Still, it seems the worst is over and for that I'm glad.

Soon, we are going to go to town and run a few errands and I like the thought of that. It seems...normal.

Peace,

Karen