M.D. Stands for Mad Doctor

Our last chemo appointment did not go well. One of the meds wasn't started on time so we had to wait an extra two hours for that to run through. But the main reason we had a miserable time of it has to do with our doctor visit. I had been struggling with various side-effects for some time and when I asked the oncology nurse what could be done to make my life better,she would refer the question to my oncologist. Almost always, he would want to send me to a primary care physician. Anyone tried to get into a primary care physician on short notice, lately?

Karen and I thought it odd that my oncologist, who prescribed my meds and should know the side-effects intimately, couldn't suggest or prescribe some sort of remedy without having to send me to another doctor. When nausea was rearing its' urpy head it was Terri, the oncology nurse, who suggested I try one of the meds I had from my stay in Fairview. And it worked. I started tracking my symptoms and side-effects so I could accurately describe what was happening in my treatment. What we wanted was to be taken seriously and have the oncologist take some positive action in treating the complications that came with the meds he was giving to me.

So on the last visit Karen was determined to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting with the doctor. And we asked him why he was treating my side-effects by trying to pass me off to someone else. And we got rise out of the doctor, who took the whole thing personally and got very defensive, very quickly. He started defending his record by telling us he makes more visits to this clinic than the other oncologists make to other satellite clinics, like that matters. And then he offered to send us to Brainerd or Grand Forks so we could get better treatment elsewhere. We should have taken him up on the offer. In the end, our visit ended with muted hostility and we went to start the actual chemo part.

But really, that wasn't the end. The doctor wanted to set me up with a visit to a dermatologist to look at the skin problem I have had since chemo started. And he decided he wanted to have me come to Fargo for my next visit so he could talk to me about side-effects. My answer: NO FREAKIN WAY! I was not going to take a day off to go to Fargo to talk to him about something he couldn't deal with the first time. And by now I was, (still am) determined to have as little to do with the man as is humanly possible. If I never saw him again, that would be fine. He could treat me from Fargo, as he had for most of my chemo treatment and that would be the best for both of us.

Or, we could get a different oncologist to read my labs and give me the chemo. Or, I could quit the chemo and get on with my life. Really, I don't care which choice is used as long as I don't have to deal with the doctor. Terri wasn't thrilled when I told her my wishes and ever since then we have been in 'negotiation' about my next visit. Last Friday a patient representative faxed the paperwork necessary to request a different doctor with the caveat, that I may not get it approved before my scheduled visit this next Tuesday. I have been consistent with every person I have talked to in expressing my desire to never see the oncologist of record again for any reason, or, have my case transferred to a different oncologist. And I have told them I not coming to Fargo, no way, no how.

So here I am, out on the limb, sawing it off behind me like the coyote on the cliff. All for pride or because I am right? We were not treated well or with respect by a doctor who should be able to not take things personally; who should realize that the treatment and diagnosis are stressful enough, thank you very much, without the added bullshit of a doctor protecting his miserable little ego by peeing on his little tree to prove he is the doctor.

We know he is the doctor but we also know he works for me and I get to decide how my treatment will go and what I will do and what I will not do. I get a choice of physician and when I can no longer work with this particular man I want a different doctor. Can it be more simple?

The upshot of all this has been a week of anger on my part; anger such as I have not had in ... months, maybe longer. Anger I have worked hard to move away from. With Karen's help and support I have made great progress in making my life better and happier and less angry and now, in a few minutes, I was right back in the thick of it all over again and I do not like that one little bit. So this week has been a kind of unanticipated hell and certainly one that was not necessary and one we want to blame on our oncologist. I know that may not be correct, that we may have gotten in our own way in some part of this whole thing, but the fact remains, we were treated like idiots and we cannot have a viable working relationship with this man anymore.

Tomorrow I will return a missed call from one of the nurses to see what's up now and I will tell her, like I did early last week, that I am not coming to Fargo to see this doctor, that he can treat me from Fargo or get me another doctor. And I expect to hear that what I wish just won't work and I still need to see him, and ... What will I do? Get my labs drawn tomorrow morning and then we'll see. As far as I am concerned we could end chemo now. It has either worked by now or it hasn't and with Lynch Syndrome in the mix, I can't see that finishing this chemo is any sort of guarantee that I won't get cancer of some kind again.

Karen has been extremely patient, and worried through this whole anger thing. I have gotten part of it under control but it won't be done till we get this mad doctor dilemna resolved. We are tired of having to fight so hard for what should be, by our lights, something easy and right. Whatever... Today we are having friends over for dinner to celebrate a birthday. We are claiming our life and happiness. We are not going to let the past week intrude on today. Life is too short for that.

Peace and love to you all,
Mike