Ouch!

At work yesterday I ran into a fellow who asked how I was. "Ok" I said, "how are you?"
"Well, I'm not wearing a bag so I must be doing all right."

OUCH!!

This guy wasn't trying to be a smartass, or insensitive; he was just being jovial. I get that and I get that perhaps I am a bit too sensitive myself when it comes to certain matters relating to cancer or ostomies. But still, I was hurt a bit and still am or I wouldn't be writing about it now. What do you do?

I guess it is the personal and intimate nature of my condition that gets to me and makes me more sensitive to comments like the one I heard yesterday. Unless you are an ostomate, or the parent of s kid in diapers, you just don't have the same type of in-your-face relationship with bodily functions.

"Lucy, let me 'splain you dis" The part of my life I am talking about isn't pretty, or fun, or particularly funny. I am having a difficult time, mentally, making peace with having to deal with my ostomy once or twice in the middle of the night, as well as several times during the day. I do not like having a soft, potentially disastrous bulge on my abdomen, restricting my movements. Roll a small pillow up and stick it in your pants and then try tying your boots. And I do not like having to 'assume the position' by a toilet so I can empty my bag, again, and flush the bag with water, hoping I do not get splashed or make too big a mess in the process. Believe me, there are times I really miss the convenience of pooping like 'other' people; (I won't call you normal).

I am thankful to be alive and I am trying to make adjustments to the physical and mental requirements of my condition. I guess I just want acknowledgement that hey, it isn't all pretty or fun and sometimes you are going to say something stupid or I am going to be a bit too sensitive, but, there is a reason why and we both need to be aware of the reason and why it was hurtful.

I am sure that wearing a bag isn't the worst thing in life but I also know I have heard enough well meaning, yet inconsiderate comments, to last me for a long time. I know I have made my share and probably will still make a grievous faux-pas, at times. The point is, use your head and think before you make that innocent jest because unless you are that person, with their particular experience, you may be treading on sensitive ground and become the unwitting focal point for anger or resentment that has been built by others. And that wouldn't be good.

I think that today I am going shopping for a few cartons of instant pudding. It's time for my 'friend' to have a bag of his own.

Peace and love,
Mike