Waiting...

Maybe it is just me but this spring seems to have been windier than most. At least, windier than I can remember in recent memory. The wind chimes hang in silence for the first time in what seems like weeks. The silence speaks volumes. 

Syrup season ended about two weeks ago and I finally got most of the equipment put away.  The cooking site is still set up in the yard but all the buckets and pails and taps are put away in the garage till next spring. I spent a great deal of time in these past two weeks waiting for a calm day to clean the sap storage cans. I was afraid to tackle the job on a windy day because I thought the cans would sail away while I was waiting for them to dry. Finally, on Saturday, with a warm sun and a mild breeze, I cleaned the cans and now they are put away.

The waiting for the right day turned out to be pointless. I suppose most waiting turns out to be that way. But still we do it. I say 'we' because I think I am probably not the only person who has spent too much time in this life, waiting.

I have just finished reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. The book falls into the 'New Age/Spiritual' category but Tolle, among other thing, makes a good case for being "conscious", i.e., present in the moment; not stuck in the past or worried about the future. A lot of things he touched on, rang true for me.  I have been stuck,waiting, for as long as I remember. During all this time my unconscious mind has been working hard to keep from being in the present, in the Now. I have been waiting for the 'right time to take up writing' or 'the right time' to do this or that; or go here or there. In short, my mind, not me, has been running my life while I have been waiting and waiting. I realized that many of the fears I have come from this habitual mindset, this state of unconsciousness.

So now I am trying, little by little, to become more focused in the Now, to be more present and it is very hard work. When I am physically and/or mentally tired, I have a very difficult time being focused on the present. I find myself drifting into an overwhelming future, or locked up in the past. Then my mind runs me down. But I am hopeful that I can make some positive changes in my life, that after all these years I can quit waiting and do the things I have avoided out of fear; things I thought I could not or should not, do. I am not saying I am going out to be a 'new' me. I am just going to try to 'be' me. The idea is exciting, even though I have lots of hard work ahead of me.

This place I am at right now is a great place to start. I have a new life ahead of me after this last bout with cancer, providing me with a natural jumping off place into the great unknown of my Now. I have been waiting long enough.

Peace and love to you all,
Mike