Sunday morning, quiet outside. The wind chimes bong with the gentle breeze. The day is warming up and the shades are drawn against the heat. Karen and I are having coffee as we ease into the morning. Well, I am easing; Karen is busy sewing an ostomy belt for me.
Last week Karen's sister, Linda, commented on the lack of new entries here. She is right. New entries have dropped off in a big way. The blog is not the only place where that is happening. This is from my journal.
(Thursday, July 15, 12:25 pm. work)
...Looking back I am surprised to see that 2 weeks have passed since my last entry. Really I guess I should not be that surprised. Evenings and weekends fill up quickly; time that is free to journal or sit and think without comment, has been sparse. Linda commented on the lack of new material on the blog. What can we say? We are living a life- one with too much time taken at work and too little time that is unclaimed, or rather, too little time we claim for ourselves.
I cannot muster the energy to be self-chastising. This is what life is now. Last year the outlook was different, facing the unknown of cancer and the fear that rides the coattails. Last year our focus was fighting the cancer-putting our lives out on the blog, questioning, hoping, trying to find a way to make a life work with new rules.
The rules have, or are, changing and that is good. We did not want to stay on edge all the time; no one does. Occasionally we talk about what we might want in the future, whatever that means.
Sometimes I feel like complacency has slipped in to our lives, and I don't have much urge to rail against its' pull. Maybe it is an age thing-maybe I just like being more comfortable, more content. Maybe, without thinking too much about it, we realize that most of the stuff we used to chase or have to deal with, is just that- stuff, and really has no lasting value, no positive impact on the quality of our lives.
There is only so much time left and though I have no idea now much time is left, I am pretty sure that running all over, panicked or excited or frustrated or whatever, is not the best way to use that time. I found my life is easier when I am wiling to accept what comes, That is not always an easy task and does not always work as well as I hope, but generally I see signs of positive progress.
It just occurred to me, the amount of time I used to spend being angry or frustrated by what was not happening, was a large part of my life. I am thankful the amount of time taken up by that emotion is smaller. I hope it cotinues to shrink. Here again, my life is not always that way. I still do have periods or hours where I am angry, frustrated, at a loss, but overall, being as honest as possible, those times are smaller and I am so glad.
So there- that may help explain the lack of a new blog. We don't have that much to bitch about- no major battles. Our life is living and we are living pretty much full time these days.
I know that when I look back a year ago the details are fuzzy. I remember that time in general terms and find myself wondering how anything got done at all because these days our life just seems busy. I am not sure where our time has gone. We are not fishing all that much and paddling even less. The garden work is about the same and I am purposely mowing less yard. My work is busier and Karen's too. We haven't been camping and haven't spent a night on the ground in over a year and a half.
But we have been picking wild blueberries; twice with Dan and Mandi. I have been riding my bike to work as often as possible and that is good. Watching 'Deadliest Catch' takes up some evenings and mostly that is ok. We are still hoping to take some small weekend trips, maybe to LaCrosse to see George and Beth and Mark; maybe to the State Fair or Renaissance Festival. Last week we hosted a couple cross-country bike riders for one night and had a blast visiting with them. We do have new passports burning holes in our pockets and may have to make a run for the border just because we can.
The midpoint of summer has passed but I don't think we should get too hung up that kind of reckoning. It ought to be enough to remember that each day is a gift. We can't return them if we don't like the one we have been given. We can just hope the next one is a better fit. I do miss journaling and writing. I love black lines scrawled across ivory pages and if I manage to do more of that, then there is a good chance there will be more to read on this blog. Even if I do not get more writing, I will try to do more blogging.
I apologize to friends and family if it seems like Karen and I have fallen off the face of the earth. We've just been busy.
Peace and love to you all,
Mike
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