The Fine Line

As long as I can remember I have been fascinated by those short twilight moments between light and dark; the crepuscular periods. Watching the light grow and fill the day or watching the darkness swallow the light, making it disappear into imagination and memory, has given me more special moments than almost any other natural phenomenon. What really catches my eye at these times is the ever so fine line separating the light from the darkness. I cannot turn away from this line. Traveling at sunset on a clear day my eyes will follow every rise and fall of this line on the horizon. I cannot help myself and for reasons I do not yet understand I have the feeling that this line is more than a visual boundary. I have the certain feeling that this line, taken down to its' most infinitesimal, defines some aspect of life. Don't ask me how or why I feel this way. I just do.

This fall I have a couple reasons to think of another line; the line between Faith and Desperation. Deer season brought this on. Too many hours in a stand, in the cold, without any deer walking by make me wonder about a lot of things. And I began to wonder about the difference between faith and desperation. How do I keep the faith when my friends are getting deer and I am not? How desperate will I become before I get a deer or give up?

But this is not about hunting.

One of my very best friends is fighting cancer again. This past spring she finished chemo and began to have a life again. Any of you who have put your lives on hold for some serious calamity know the feeling of rejoicing when you are finally able to step away from the struggles and pain and begin to live your life anew. Now she is having to face the idea of cancer again. More chemo, maybe more surgery, who knows? And that is the hard part. At this point even the doctors don't know for sure but all the signs point to a recurrence and all that comes with that.

This is where the fine line comes into play. How do you stay on that line? How do you keep from falling into desperation? How do you find or maintain faith that all will be well? I know people who put it all into God's hands and use the power of prayer. I cannot deny them their beliefs but sometimes even with prayer, good people die of cancer.

For my friend the line exists and like the dark silhouette of a tree-lined horizon back lit by the twilight of a setting sun, the line is incredibly crisp and sharp and difficult to define. The line holds the last part of the day and the beginning of the darkness and I believe for those reasons the line is the key to life. I apologize for what surely seems like something "way out there" but my ability to explain it better eludes me in this moment. Almost all of us have stood on the edge of a great abyss after inching our way cautiously to the very edge of the precipice. And whether you admit it or not most of you have wondered what it would be like to have the ability to fly but not a one of us has tried jumping off. But you have stood for a moment on the line.

For my friend and all who know and love her the fine line between faith and desperation will define life for all of us. How do you define your life?

Peace and love to you all.
Pray for healing and comfort to those who fight cancer and all other illnesses.
Mike