"If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question."-Karen
I have heard her say that many times. These days when someone asks me how I am doing, I pause. Do they really want to know or are they just being polite? Maybe they just want an opportunity to tell me how they are doing. I also know from past experience that telling someone I have cancer can be a real conversation killer so I try to be careful when I am asked "So, how are you?"
If I tell them I have cancer then I have to tell them I have rectal cancer.
"What?"
"Rectal cancer"
"What's that?"
So I explain. A quick impromptu lesson in anatomy and function never hurts, especially in crowded public settings. Hell, yesterday I had this whole conversation on the street in front of Ben Franklin. If you have been poked and prodded enough, there is no shame. But why rectal cancer? Why couldn't I have had something classier or sexier? What is more sacred than our mother's bosom? Yet only 2% of breast cancer affects men so what can I do? Rectal cancer; sheesh. Imagine Larry the Cable Guy telling one of his redneck buddies:
"Hey."
"Hey, ya sef."
" 'S up?"
"I got the cancer."
"Damn." A pause-" W' kind?"
"Rectal."
"Huh?"
"I got me a monster in my ass what's tryin' to eat me alive."
"Damn. .. Can I have yur turkey fryer? My wife's ol man is gettin' outa jail an' we's throwin' him a party. Ya know, to celebrate?"
Some people just don't get it and some people are afraid they'll get IT, so they don't want to talk about IT. That is just their way of dealing with what can be a monster, even if the monster isn't trying to eat them alive. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't be wearing a large scarlet 'C' on my chest to make it easier for people. That way they could choose whether they want to talk to me or not.
The context of the conversation, the setting, the person; I take them all into account these days when someone asks me "How are you?" For the record, I don't have a turkey fryer, so don't ask about that.
Mike
2 comments:
LOL Mike!!!! I bet it is hard to know what to say or even how to say it. But why is it your job to protect the feelings of others when they asked the question? I have to say I agree with Karen on this. If you don't what to hear the answer don't ask the question. We are all adults, right? Maybe just ask them if they are really interested in the truth first. Pretty soon most people will know and then know whether or not to ask the question.
Hugs and lotsof love, Susan
Susan,
You know, you are probably correct but just the other day when our neighbhors stopped by, Al asked me "How's it going young man?" and I said fine. I realized then that sometimes I just want to be 'Mike' and not 'Mike with cancer'. I think that also influences whom I tell and what I tell them. Thanks for the book. I believe I have read something by Teale, a long time ago.- Mike
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