Sisters Unite!
Yup, uh huh. I got to buy pads for myself today. Not by myself. For myself; for me and that stinkin' treacherous, leaky swine bastard of a sphincter. Seems there is no way for me to check the flow, albeit a small flow, of what is sometimes a bit bloody and sometimes a bit smelly. I am tired of wondering what spoor I leave behind when I sit down, never mind the need to carry clean 'wears around in my green bag full of butt stuff. (I just gotta ask: Are the guys rolling their eyes while the women are saying "Yes, yes"?)
I remember hearing old guys talking about 'so and so' needing a new pucker string. Maybe that's what I need, too. My whole bottom 'end feels as though I just went a round with Dr. Mallgren's Love Rocket of Doom. Plus my stupid 'rrhoid is hanging out back there making raspberry noises and saying things like "Nah, nah, nah, nah. You can't get me!" Now I'm starting to think I actually had two of the evildoers back there and only one has bled to death so far.
I have this almost constant activity down there; pressure like I should poop and always at an inconvenient time and place, or pass gas or the burning itching, painful tickling. This builds to a crescendo leaving me feeling like one of the soggy bottom boyz. And by golly, when I get time to look at what's been going on down there, I am soggy.
So, armed with ultra-thin overnight pads and a refill on unscented baby wipes, I feel like I can relax for a little while. This ain't adult Depends, by a longshot and I am thankful for that. Like Karen, and Jeanelle, the radiation tech said, maybe I am just excreting the tumor. That sounds hopeful and I'll go with that for the present moment. If pooping Drano is the price I have to pay to be cancer free, then sign me up. Just send more pads, please.
Peace and love to you all,
Mike
Honorary Sister in the LLF/LLA
5 comments:
ROFLMAO!!!! God Mike you have a great humor! Keep it up. Here's hoping you are pooping the tumor out.
Hugs and love, Susan
So, Mike says to me the other day...."God, I leaked through my pants! Do you have any idea how embarassing that is?"
I said, "No."
I feel so much closer to Mike now that he is on the rag. He's like having a really good girlfriend who can open jars and change oil!
Now, who's the lucky one?
Peace,
Karen
welcome to the sisterhood Mike! thanks again for coming Friday night - good to see your smilin' face.
OH my this was too good. I started reading and, honestly, thought it was John's other favorite blog written by a women. I was thinking, damn, I need a green butt bag, we never have anything good to carry that stuff in. Leave it to Mike. Keep pooping....Becca
Well gurlz, I am so glad you both enjoyed the blog.
Susan, I have a great mental image of you ROFLMAO or whatever that is. Sounds like some kind of Communist Chinese rolfing technique.
I want you and the LOML to know that I feel so fresh and confident with my new protection. What a great feeling!!!! Like, O My God!! I am starting to feel as though I am in an episode of 'Will and Grace'
(signed)
LOGBNL
Love, Mike
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