I'm finding it hard to focus today. I flit between things - reading three books, cleaning, the computer, knitting, a lame attempt at a nap and a bath. Nothing of any substance or meaning has occured today. Each time I begin something I'm distracted. Even the short visit I had with Tammy today was a staccato of words and ideas. Nothing formed just a scribble of words in the air.
Yesterday, I walked along the shore of the big lake - Superior- in bare feet. Waves, portending of a wind shift, fanned under my feet, pulled sure footing away in grains. Still, my mind and eye stayed focused on finding smooth, lake tumbled rocks and pebbles and I kept moving. The occasional THONK of one wave's retreating stopping another wave's advance caught my attention but only briefly. Same with the odd wave crawling foam up my calf. I was able to take myself back to my task even with the gulls crying and Mike showing me what stones he had found.
Today, not so much. Maybe I'm still at the Lake. I needed to be there yesterday and maybe I still need to be there today? Even now, in the writing, I'm not entirely here I'm somewhere else. I'm thinking that this writing will take me to some special place where the answer will be wrapped up in a tidy little paragraph that will make even me go, "ahhhhh." I was even thinking earlier that I was going to have a poem to write. Now I'm thinking...OH Look! A Chicken!
I have a run-away brain, monkey mind, KFKD playing on the ole cerebral stereo. I'm restless. I've lost my focus. I've lost myself.
If anyone has seen me please send me home. You can keep the chicken.
PIECE
Karen
3 comments:
"And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn't get away."
oh WAIT....that's FLOCK OF SEAGULLS, not a flock of chicken - my bad!
Loved talking with you today anyways....I'll send the chickens home when I find them.
Tammy
All chickens are home and accounted for here. They seem happy too, thanks for taking such good care of them. I'm sure they will reward you with fresh eggs in the future.
I hope you can get centered today.
Love you!
Susan
Ah, my love,
Like I said last night, sometimes when I fill up my days with so many activities; first one, then another and yet another, it is all about avoiding having to deal with a specific issue. So I spend my days running in place to avoid my fear(s)and avoid having to deal with difficult choices.
Maybe you were doing a bit of that, yourself? Being out of focus or uncentered is not always a bad thing. I have found that if I am patient, the worst passes and then I can deal with whatever upset in the first place. Not doing something, in my case, often means I don't fix it till it is broke. Waiting can work. It is knowing when to wait that can be tricksy.
As Willie used to say "Aye, there's the rub."
I am proud of you. You are bearing up very well in a very difficult time and place.
Love, Mike
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