Jumping Off Places

Sigurd Olson talked about jumping off places in one of his books; the places where you step off into the wilderness and leave civilization behind. At home the past two weeks have been a frantic flurry of activity, trying to get ready for today. Managing our respective work requirements, the chores at home that need to get done before winter, assembling various medical tests and records and visits left no time to catch our breath, to be us. alone. I don't know how many times stress and fear filled my eyes with tears, yet I was never in a place where I could let them go. Or it was never at a 'good time'. Now I am a few hours away from surgery and I still don't feel like there is time, or that this is the place. I think perhaps, the moment has passed.

This morning Karen and I are in a jumping off place we did not choose. The anticipation has not exactly been positive and the preparations carry a somber tone. This is not my idea of an ideal six week canoe trip. This is our summer vacation. I am glad I have PTO saved up for this trip and I am glad I have insurance but this is not the trip of our dreams.

Outside the window I have a view of the U of M Aquatics Center, parking garages, the new stadium, students and traffic zipping back and forth. There are no Duluth packs waiting by the shore. No canoe waiting, no spruce and pine on the horizon. This is the strangest jumping off place I have ever seen and now it is one of the most important in my life, in our life. The maps are vague and we are not sure what difficulties we will encounter along the way. Unlike most of our trips we have the support of friends and families and we appreciate all their efforts and kindnesses. But in the end we will probably depend most on each other. That is just the way we are.

Karen and I made love for the last time while I am still normal. Now we are showered and she is going to breakfast with her sister Linda, who cut short a vacation trip to Hawaii, to be here with us. My brother Terry, and my sister-in-law,Judy, drove up from Georgia and spent the past few days with us. They drove down with us yesterday and are staying with us for the surgery. Justine is taking the day off from school. She has been through this before but so many years ago. Why couldn't the cancer have stayed away forever? Two other friends, Tammy and Karen, are also coming down to be with my Karen. The waiting room may look like a full house before we are done.

A whole lot of time and money and effort is being expended to keep me alive. And to what end? I guess I can spend the rest of my life trying to figure that one out, trying to see if in the end I was worth all the bother.

Karen and I are wet-foot canoeists and sometimes getting your feet wet for the first time is the hardest step. Let's see if the water is cold...

Peace and love to all of you,
Thanks for all your wishes and support and love and care.
Mike