The Morel of the story...

A light rain is falling. The air is cool and makes being inside where we are warm and dry, all the better. We have had a dry spring and need the rain. The trees and grasses are blushing with a new green; fresh and vibrant with an energy that is matched by scent of rain-washed air.

I have been stuck in a dry spell lately: never quite mustering enough energy or motivation to pursue much beyond going to work, coming home from work, making supper and getting ready to do it all over again the next day. Letters and emails remain unwritten and small chores remain undone. Exercise is a hit-or-miss proposition. On days when I am tired my mind takes me hostage and tells me "what's the use?" When that happens I work at staying present, work at not believing what my mind is telling me and most days I can call it a draw; sometimes I win.

I am not sure why I am this way now. I don't have the immediate focus of having to deal with cancer anymore and that is a very good thing. I think I must be a little bit lost. Occasionally I wonder when, or if, I will find myself again.  Not to sound like a lost hippie but I have been trying to be aware of what life is offering these days and what I want from it. I imagine more than a few of you might be wondering if chemo robbed my senses but I really feel I should pick what I want; not just go with whatever comes along. I have done enough of that in my life. But O, what a terrible habit to break.

I like to think I am entering a new spring in my life, with all kinds of possibilities for new growth. I am the tree tasting the rain on my new leaves.

Karen and I are making slow progress on some things around the place.  We did a bit of clean-up in the garden . Karen discovered a nest holding seven baby cottontail bunnies in one of the raised beds. They were darn cute, even when they all decided to jump out at the same time and explore the big wide world. We had bunnies hopping all over for a little while. Karen has been working on flower beds around the house and I have been picking away at getting the garage in some kind of order.

After one of our friends mentioned eating fresh morels, Karen wanted to go look for some. We went to a spot and looked. And looked. And looked. Finally, I found one small specimen and then we really looked but that one was our take for the evening. After this rain lets up I would expect conditions for finding these 'shrooms will improve. The thing I found most interesting about the time we spent in the woods, searching for morels, was that for that hour or so, my mind was focused. My mental attention did not wander away from the present. There were plenty of distraction; blackflies, bloodroot and anemones in bloom, along with honeysuckle and many other plants whose names I have forgotten. I noticed these other things but I stayed focused. Maybe it isn't a big deal to you but for me, it is. I hope I can do that more often. The focusing, that is. 

So, what is the morel (moral) to all this? I am not really sure. I couldn't resist the pun in the title but maybe there is something after all. Let the spring rains wash you clean and help start your own new growth. And keep looking. Even if you only have small success in the beginning, there is always a chance for more success later on. Remember-stay wet and keep looking.

Peace and love to you all.
And a huge thanks to all of you that have helped Karen and I on this portage called cancer. The journey continues...
Mike