Who the hell am I?

The week has been, well, stressful. That is to say full of stress. Work has been a grind as we get ready for the "Great Minnesota Shop Hop". For those of you who are not in the know this is a two week  feeding frenzy of crazed quilters who drive from quilt shop to quilt shop in Minnesota to see the same fabric displayed differently and to spend great sums of money buying said fabric to add to their stash. "Stash" being large quantities of fabric kept in secret places where husbands might not look. There are other rules for "stash" but that's a whole other blog and this one is about stress.

Also, at work are some employee problems otherwise called DRAMA. There is also the issue of replacing two employees who will be done by September first and the little problem of my lack of training in the custom ordering of the store and trying to get a booth ready for the Bemidji Women's Expo. On top of that there has been store restructuring which has not exactly gone without a hitch and a deadline of the Shop Hop for having the new look ready. I didn't make that deadline.

On the home front there has been kid drama. The kind that comes between Mike and I. The kind that shakes confidence and trust. I'm not going into detail here I'll leave that to Mike if he so chooses. All I'm going to say is that IT is the ONLY thing that gets between us, it stresses me out and makes me doubt myself. I have been crabby, short tempered and irritable in recent weeks. I have not been very fun to live with.

Yesterday we went to Fargo for a follow-up appt for Mike. It was a trip I needed. He had good news as he continues to recover from cancer. We shopped for items we wanted for our bikes and for some supplies we will need as we start a garage organization project. We had a great meal together at a favorite Italian restaurant. We found a favorite wine, bought a little scotch and mostly laughed a lot. It was a day we both needed. The stress melted and we were both relaxed.

That, however, ended with a voice mail. I know this isn't going to sound like a huge thing but it is. Because of a misunderstanding I may have lost my friends daughter's 4H project. I was entrusted with chicken chores for Claire. A job I was excited to do since I miss having my own little flock of chickens. I was to do chores Tuesday through Thursday morning, or so I thought. Tammy called when they got home last night, Friday, wondering if I could shed some light on why they could only find one chicken? I was mortified. At 10:30 at  night I couldn't call and find out if they were found and have been worried sick most of the night. I had left the chickens out of the coop for an entire night because I didn't get it right. I screwed up in a big way. I lost a 4 H project! That is a big deal.

It is not like me to make a mistake like this and I have spent most of a sleepless night wondering if this is the culmination of a years worth of stress? I'm wondering who I am and I'm wondering where in the hell my mind is?  I'm not getting a lot of things right these days and that bothers me a great deal. Maybe I need to take better care of me. As Mike says, put myself at the head of my own short line. I dunno. I don't have the answer this morning.

So, in an hour I'm gonna call and find out if the chickens were found and if not I'm going to figure out what I can do to make this better if there is anything and hopefully I haven't screwed up a friendship in the process. I don't know how I'm gonna face Claire if the chickens are gone. I'm mad at myself for my recent behavior and I am sorry for all the hassle I have caused the people in my life as of late. I'm gonna do better. I'm gonna figure out who I am.

Peace,
Karen